Untitled Document

WORLD LEADERS
Sunday Telegraph - 2005

With the growing expectation that our politicians now have cred and credibility I ask world leaders the new standard questions on the campaign trail: "What is your favourite band?"

Junichiro Koizumi: With those striking good looks and that laser-sculpted mullet there was only ever one genre that could do the Prime Minister of Japan justice – glam metal. Known as "visual kei" in Japan, one of the greatest exponents were X Japan, a true cult band - indeed, their lead singer was in an actual cult and was later accused of child abuse. Not easily put off, Koizumi still names X Japan as his favourite band and has actually performed them live on TV karaoke! Lock and loll!

George W Bush: For a guy who’s pretty confident about invading Iraq Dubya seems uncharacteristically diplomatic when it comes to naming a favourite band. There has been mention of the Beatles ("before they got weird") and his father's favourite, gospel hacks The Oak Ridge Boys. So far, however, the closest he's come to nominating a favourite is admitting that he likes to listen to George Jones on his iPod. Between that and Laura's Van Morrison records the time must fly.

King Bhumibol Adulyadej of Thailand: As a decent saxophonist who has played with, among others, Benny Goodman and Stan Getz, the King of Thailand decided to cut out the middleman and form the Sahai Pattana Brass Band. Now when they talk about "The King" in Thailand they actually mean it – plus it’s much easier to say than "The Lord of Life and Possessor of Twenty-Four Golden Umbrellas".

Nelson Mandela: Nelson can’t complain too much: sure, he missed Motown, Psychedelia, Glam, Prog Rock, Metal, Punk, New Wave, New Romantic, Hair Metal and Madchester but he got released just in time for Grunge! Unfortunately his favourite band are not Mudhoney but Amampondo, a traditional African drumming group. Drumming? This time he’s only got himself to blame.

Gerhard Schroeder: When the German Chancellor was overheard humming Wind of Change by uber-dags Scorpions (anyone remember their moving performance at the fall of the Berlin Wall?) it only seemed to confirm in the eyes of the non-German world the inherent lameness of Teutonic pop culture. Then again our Prime Minister once said that he liked Bob Dylan "but not the lyrics".

Silvio Berlusconi: A greedy, narcissistic fascist he might be, but I can’t get enough of the Italian Prime Minister. He talks about his facelift, made fun of the Finns and the Brits and even cracked a Nazi joke in the EU parliament. At least the Italians get a right-winger with some class. So when I found out that he used to be a crooner on a cruise ship and has written the lyrics for an album of Neopolitan love songs… well, that’s amore.

Tony Blair: The changing fashions of popular music can be charted by the fickle whims of Tony’s ever-evolving record library. On separate occasions he has nominated U2 and REM as his favourite band. More recently, however, he has claimed that he enjoys The Darkness, Coldplay and even Franz Ferdinand. This confirms two things: that Franz Ferdinand are as bad as I think they are and that Tony Blair may in fact be a second-year female law student in disguise.

Helen Clark: The New Zealand Prime Minister claims she doesn’t listen to rock music, the consequence being she has never heard of John Farnham. Oh well, there are some advantages to being a boring Kiwi egg-head with bad teeth.