DELTA GOODREM
Daily Telegraph - October 2007

A lot of things come to mind when I think of the Australian character but “sexy” is not one of them.

Sure, we're good-looking and if the rumours are true we enjoy sex - but on the whole I think we lack the brooding quality necessary for true sexiness.

If proof were needed, look no further than the much-touted “sexy” makeover of Delta Goodrem. The comeback video for the new single from the one-time queen of Aussie pop pretty much says it all. Featuring Delta dressed in a series of high-end Target outfits while sitting on an assortment of designer chairs in what appears to be a very large and empty homewares shop, the only hints of “sexiness” come in the form of a few spirited kicks and hair flicks of an almost comic ferocity.

Sometimes you can very nearly see two inches of cleavage.

Try as she might, the ingrained tepidness of Delta Goodrem is fixed fast. Sure, she's lost the cardigans and the craft shop earrings, but watching her balance on a pair of gold platforms on the red carpet is like watching your kids play dress-up.

Delta's “sexiness” will always be a kind of imitation.

Of course, for her career in this country that may not be such a bad thing. The Australian public seems to have an inexplicable appetite for a certain kind of bland female celebrity. You know the type: she's pretty, but only in a Supre-model kind of way; you could imagine her playing on a netball team and enjoying a couple of wines afterwards, but not so many as to get “silly”. She still has teddy bears on her dresser.

Our fondness for women like this is why Schapelle Corby prompted a meltdown at the 2UE switchboard but ensured that Michelle Leslie received only sniping and sarcasm. It also accounts for the otherwise inexplicable careers of Lisa McCune and Jennifer Hawkins.

No one, however, better embodies this Australian fascination with the femme pastel than Delta.

In the space of a couple of years she has survived cancer, watched her parents get divorced and copped the full blast of the English tabloids. Not that you'd know, of course, because anything resembling personality has been ruthlessly scrubbed out of her.

You could be forgiven for thinking she had spent the last two years doing an intensive macrame course.

Delta Goodrem has all the passion of a Telstra commercial. Her songs are pure Hillsong - indefinably, almost seductively, pleasant and ultimately about as memorable as the carpet in an airport lounge. You don't like Delta so much as you don't dislike her.

She's the Freedom Furniture of music; which, in this country at least, will probably continue to serve her very well.

© Brendan Shanahan 2008