FINE DINING
Daily Telegraph - October 2007

This week’s announcement of the Good Food Guide's coveted “chef's hat” awards named the supposedly best restaurants in Sydney. But it wasn't all good news. One judge had this to say about Sydney restaurants: “Hands up who didn't have cauliflower puree, slow-braised wagyu or yellowfin tuna tataki this year? Complimentary jelly, veloute or foam ‘amuse’ anyone? And at the sweet end of the menu, who’s not offering creme brulee, pannacotta or affogato?” I think we all know how he feels, and as soon as I find out what “tataki” is I'm going to be even more outraged. In response, I present my own list of “three hat” restaurants in the Sydney area:

• The Meat Bucket, Parramatta: Do you regard “all you can eat” as a challenge to your manhood? Ever seen one of those big trucks at a mine and thought, “I wonder what that would look like full of bacon?” Well, stop wishing and grab a tray. Perfect for a special evening with a bulimic date, this place has chips with every meal, including dessert which comes in “pink” and “brown”. The service is the only kind we can rely on – “self”.

• Bombs Over Kashmir, Liverpool: This place reeks of authenticity. Seriously, it reeks. With a standard of hygiene familiar to anyone who has spent the night at an Indian train station, The Bomb, as it's affectionately known, prides itself on using bacterial cultures swabbed from benchtops across the sub-continent.

• The Aggressive Israeli, Bondi: Feel all the warmth and generosity that has made Israel so loved throughout the Middle East as you fight to be heard over the thumping trance soundtrack at this local kebab institution. If you've ever wondered where traumatised boy-soldiers go to work after they fry their brains on acid in Goa then this is the place for you.

• The Taro Root, Arncliffe: Immerse yourself in the flavours of the South Pacific - both of them! Enjoy yam and pork in more combinations than you ever could have imagined (ice cream, anyone?) or just kick back and get stoned on kava at the bar. When you're done, why not take the complimentary shuttle bus to the Bulldogs match and put the smack down on some Lebs.

• Oriental Mystery Meat Buffet, Bankstown: “Yeah, what you want? No chicken - mock chicken. Flavour very good, many spices. Family recipe. Yeah, you like. I give you big spoon. Ketchup on table. Oh, you find toenail? No worries, that very lucky.”

• White Bread Cafe, Cronulla: Sometimes nothing hits the spot like a “thin” sausage wrapped in a piece of Tip Top. Luckily, this place serves all the Aussie classics you crave, including, toast, chocolate Moove and Chiko rolls with plenty of sauce. Don't take any bites, ya slack-arse moll.

© Brendan Shanahan 2008